Welcome To The Relena Show!
by ScrawlerofWords
Summary: Relena hosts a talk show in which the Gundam pilots are guests. This was really started by a friend of mine. Some Relena bashing amongst general making fun of people. Read and REVIEW! (reviieeewwws, drool)


AN: This is not my fanfic, this is the fanfic of a friend of mine that I helped with. My friend doesn't have a fanfiction.net ID so I am graciously posting it for him. This is partially my brain child though, I did help a decent amount, but it was his idea originally. Enjoy!  
  
  
Welcome to the Relena Show!  
  
Lights open on a talk show time stage. In chair sits Relena, the most annoying girl in the universe.   
  
Relena: Hello everyone! Welcome to the Relena Show, with your host, Relena! (Giggles an insanely irksome giggle.) Our first guest will be... Heero Yuy! (Heero walks out on stage and sits in chair next to Relena.) And how are you doing today Heero?  
Heero: Relena, I'm going to kill you.  
Relena: What would you consider your goal in life to be?  
Heero: To carry out my mission. And to kill you.  
Relena: Me? You want to kill me? Oh how sweet! You do care about me! (Pulls a plate of brownies off a nearby table.) Would you like a brownie?  
Heero: No.  
Relena: You know you'll like them. (She starts to wave a brownie in front of Heero's face.)  
Heero: Relena, I am going to kill- umph! (Relena shoves a brownie into his mouth. Heero walks off the stage pouting with the brownie still stuck in his mouth.)  
Relena: Our next special guest is... Quatre Winner! (Quatre walks on stage, staring at Heero, who is threatening to kill people, though nobody can understand him with the brownie in his mouth.) Hello Quatre, how are you today?  
Quatre: (Ever polite.) I'm just fine today. You look lovely today, Relena.  
Relena: (blushing) why thank you Quatre. Would you like a brownie? (She offers him the tray, oblivious to the fact that they taste like mud-covered, barfed on, pig guts -although, considering her mental capacity, they might be.)  
Quatre: (To polite to refuse, takes one.) Er, thanks. (He looks at Heero. Heero threatens to kill Relena, I think.)  
Relena: So, Quatre, what would you consider your goal in life to be?  
Quatre: Well, I do obsess a bit over Sand Roc. But I think that the absolute love of my life would be my teacup collection.  
Relena: You have a teacup collection?  
Quatre: Yep, I have over 500 teacups from around the world. I'm shooting for the teacup of the Chinese Emperor Foo-chung-ya. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling a craving now. Would you like some tea? (Snaps his fingers. A butler comes, carrying a tea platter.)  
We will now skip to the next guest because all Quatre and Relena end up doing is drinking tea and trying to digest "brownies".  
  
Relena: So, Trowa, I understand you worked as a clown for many years.  
Trowa: (Who, true to form says next to nothing.) Yes.  
Relena: Did you get to work with lions and tigers?  
Trowa: The animals are my friends.  
Relena: Oh, I just love animals. Kitties, and, puppies, and elephants and all sorts of things! Why I even have my own music video*...  
Trowa: (Putting a finger to her lips.) Hush little not-so-bright one. You are rotting my brain.  
Relena: And now we would like our next guest to come up. Chang Wu Fei!  
Wu Fei: I am not going on a talk show hosted by a woman. (Is suddenly pushed on stage. Looks back murderously at Duo, who is whistling.)  
Relena: Why don't you sit down Wu Fei?  
Wu Fei: No!  
Relena: (In a pouting voice.) Well, then you can answer my questions standing up!  
Wu Fei: I am not answering any of your questions!  
Relena: (Cutting Wu Fei off) What was your most embarrassing moment?  
Wu Fei: I'm not telling!  
Duo: (Jumping up and down and waving his hands.) Oh! I know! There was that time when you and Sally Po got drunk... and then you two decided to play dress-up... and Treize got it all on tape...  
Wu Fei: (With vein sticking out of his neck.) SHUT UP, MAXWELL!  
Duo: (Shrugs.) Well, it was pretty embarrassing. Though that was a very pretty pink dress of Sally's that you had on... Wait a sec! I'll go get the tape!  
Wu Fei: (Draws out a gun and points it at Duo.) I'm going to shoot you, baka Maxwell!  
Quatre: (Running over to Wu Fei and trying to get the gun out of his hands as he pleads.) Oh! Wu Fei! Why can't we all just get along? Don't you know people don't like to get shot? Let's just sing a nice round of Kum-by-ya... (Duo takes this opportunity to run and get the tape.)  
Relena: (talking to the audience, half of which are singing... well, I think you can guess.) So, Wu Fei's most embarrassing moment was playing dress-up with Sally Po. And being videotaped at the same time! Sheesh! And now, Wu Fei, for my next question-  
Wu Fei: Relena, I'm going to kill you.  
Heero: Hey! That's my line! (Though no one can understand him with the "brownie" in his mouth.)  
Relena: This is way out of control. ZECHS!  
Zechs: (Zechs comes out, uniform covered in grease from the Tallgeese.) Relena?  
Relena: (whining) my show is being ruined!  
Zechs: show? (Looks around at all the people and cameras.)  
Crew: Look! It's Milliardo Peacecraft! Can we get an interview!?  
Particularly Annyoing News Reporter: For all of you who don't know, Mr. Peacecraft now goes under the name of Zechs Marquise because when he was younger he killed a lot of people and now feels his actions can never be atoned. But in reality, he is a Peacecraft and Relena's brother.  
Audience: Ooooooooh scandalous!  
Wu Fei: This is stupid! Everything is stupid! And you! Yes, you Relena! You're weak! (Etc.etc.etc. a lot of telling other people they're weak.) Why, if you all were Chinese, you wouldn't have a single scrap of dignity left!  
Quatre: You're Chinese? (Zechs uses this moment to remove himself from the stage, climb into Epyon, and go far, far away.)  
Wu Fei: Of course I'm Chinese! How could you not know that!? What did you think I was!? A WOMAN!?  
Women: Hey!   
Quatre: (Clapping his hands together.) Then you could help me attain the legendary teacup of the Chinese Emperor Foo-chung-ya!  
Wu Fei: I'm not letting you have a priceless Chinese teacup, you weakling.  
Duo: (Returning with the tape and joking in a British accent.) Yep, sorry Quatre. You are the weakest link. Goodbye!  
Relena: (Noticing that Heero finally spit out his "brownie.") Would you like another one of my delicious brownies, Heero?  
Heero: Relena, I am going to kill- umph!  
Treize: Well, that's all the time we have for that show today! Now it's time for MY show! A more important show, because I'M in it!  
-click- goes a remote  
Lady Une: (blink)  
Sally Po: (blink)  
Noin: That was... interesting.  
Lady Une: Do you really have to look after her?  
Noin: Yep. (searches through her pack.) Would you like a brownie?  
Lady Une: (Suspiciously) Who made them?  
Noin: (Looks from Lady Une, to the "brownies", then back to Lady Une.) On second thought, let's see what else is on. (Turns TV back on, sees "The Wonderful, Honored, Great Show of Treizeness, blinks.)  
Lady Une: Oooh! My favorite show!  
Treize's Personal Announcer: And now, a specialty brought to us by Duo Maxwell. (Pops tape into VCR.)  
Sally Po: Is that Wu Fei in MY dress!?  
  
~finished!~  
AN:*really annoying Relena Music Video on the end of the Japanese version of Gundam Wing. I swear, one time I forgot to fast forward through it and it nearly drove me crazy. The music sucks, the picture sucks, the words suck. *shudders*  



End file.
